It All Begins With A Bait And Switch

"Every bait and switch was a work of art" TS

Whether they bait you with their charm, charisma, or so called kindness, every Narcissist knows exactly what to do to get what they want. Anyone who has dealt with a Narcissist knows their thinking is dysfunctional, however, they're smart enough to know they have to be on their best behavior, at least at first, if they're going to get what they want from you. In my experience in the beginning this person was fun, funny, kind to others, goofy, and the life of the party. This person wasn't fancy, rich, or arrogant, and not at all like the Narcissists you see on TV or usually hear about, if they would have been I wouldn't have been attracted to them. No, this Narcissist was none of those things, they were more like the fun side-kick to the Narcissist you usually see in the movies. Totally disguised and equipped with the title of Best Personality.... so who would have known?

I'm not sure where this person would fall on the Narcissist scale. Maybe somewhere in the middle? All I know is that the clues were very, very subtle. I believe they were a Grandiose Narcissist most of the time given that they needed constant attention, validation, and admiration, but it seemed if that wasn't working they would turn into a Covert Narcissist to get people to feel sorry for them as the victim. It took me a long time to figure out was going on, but one thing I know for sure is that none of us would fall for a Narcissist's tactics if we saw the dark side up front... thus the bait and switch. Pretending to be one way with everyone else (including us in the beginning) and then switching to who they really are behind the scenes when they have what they want and no longer need to impress you.

Other tactics Narcissists use as bait include, bringing up a topic for "conversation", which starts by acting like they're interested in your opinion, but what they really want is to debate so they can win, which makes them feel superior to you ... bait and switch! Or they might put on the charm to get you to do something for them, but be annoyed and dismissive when you ask for help from them.... bait and switch! Or they'll act like they care about you or your opinion in front of friends or family, but completely disregard when you're alone... bait and switch! Again, this is all very subtle and can take years to figure out. Most of the time you end up finding yourself confused and wondering if you're reading into it too much. However, once you figure it out, you see it in every move they make and, gratefully, you can learn how not to take the bait. The best way I learned to do this is by gray rocking, which means not engaging, talking as little as possible, and recognizing when they are trying to bait you so you can avoid it. This isn't easy and it takes practice, but it works most of the time.

Being around a Narcissist is exhausting. You never know what your going to get and once you know their always trying to bait you into something that only serves them you feel on guard all the time, wondering what their real intentions are and what their trying to get from you. If you can get away from them by all means do it! But if not it helps to know what's going on and how best to handle it so you can learn to engage with them as little as possible, and get some of your power back as soon as possible!

Stay tuned for more help on this topic, subscribe to the email list for updated info and promotions, book a session for individual support, and join our FB group Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support!

Subscribe

Book

Join FB Group