Boundaries

I'm the first one to agree that doing things for other people without expecting anything in return is not only noble, but healthy. Using our kindness and empathy in such a way not only blesses others, but it truly brings joy in return. However, it's one thing when we are kind and courteous to complete strangers without expecting anything, but something completely different when we give and give, but rarely if ever, get anything in return.

In healthy relationships there should always be a little something called reciprocity. Reciprocity is defined as, "The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit". In a relationship, both parties should benefit. Whether it's with a romantic partner, in a parent-child relationship, with a sibling, work-related, etc., it should always work both ways.

I recently listened to a podcast by Mathew Hussey, a relationship coach, in which he was explaining how the way to find the right people is by setting boundaries, and the way to begin setting boundaries is by learning to protect our peace. Anyone who can't respect our peace doesn't care about our boundaries, and someone we don't want in our life. He then talked about how having enough respect for ourselves is the first step in not letting others walk all over our boundaries. He reminds us, "When you respect yourself the RIGHT people will rise to meet you."

So, with that in mind, it's always a good time to re-evaluate relationships and think about which ones are supportive, appreciative, and reciprocated, and which ones might need some work. For those relationships that need adjusting, having a conversation explaining how we feel and what needs to change is helpful. It may be that this person hadn't even realized there's a problem and is more than happy to make some changes, however, some people might not care that they're stepping all over us to get their own needs met. In this case it's best to let go and move on, or if you're unable to do that, it's good (and healthy) to set boundaries. We can do this by limiting the time we spend with them, only interacting with them when necessary, not engaging, and not putting up with their bad behavior. By doing this we'll open the door to letting the right people in... people who know that caring about someone else means respecting their peace and wanting them to be happy.

I'm finding that the more I cut ties with those who don't care, don't appreciate, and don't reciprocate, the more I find who I'm looking for where love, respect, and support goes both ways. In the end, life's too short to spend it with anyone else...

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