Boundaries

I'm the first one to say that doing things for other people without expecting anything in return is not only noble, but healthy. Using our kindness and empathy in such a way not only blesses others, but it truly brings joy in return so everyone benefits. However, it's one thing when we are kind and courteous to complete strangers without expecting anything, but something completely different when we give, and give, and give to those we are in relationships with, and never, or rarely, get anything in return.

In healthy relationships there should always be a little something called reciprocity. Reciprocity is defined as, "The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit". In a relationship, both parties should benefit. Whether it's a romantic relationship, parent-child relationship, sibling relationship, work relationship, etc., it should always work both ways. I recently listened to a podcast by Mathew Hussey, a relationship coach, in which he was explaining how the way you find the right people is by setting boundaries, and the way you begin setting boundaries is by learning to protect your peace. Anyone who can't respect your peace doesn't care about your boundaries, and someone you don't want in your life. He then talked about how the first step is to have enough respect for yourself that you won't let others walk all over your boundaries. He reminds us, "When you respect yourself the RIGHT people will rise to meet you."

So, with that in mind, now might be a good time to re-evaluate our relationships. Think about which relationships are reciprocated, and which ones might need some work. For those relationships that need help it's helpful to have a conversation with that person explaining how you feel and what needs to change in order for the relationship to continue. It may be that this person hadn't even realized there's a problem and is more than happy to make some changes. However, some people might not care that they're stepping all over you to get their own needs met and may be unwilling to change. In these cases it's best to let go and move on. By doing this you'll open the door to letting the right people in... people who know how to respect you and your boundaries because they have, and respect, them too.

I'm finding that the more I cut ties with those who don't reciprocate, and look for those that do, the more I find who I'm looking for where love, respect, and support goes both ways. In the end, life's too short to spend it with anyone else...

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